honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
