Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
