adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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