you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
