Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
