I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Alive.
So much puke
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
