just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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