My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she pinky promised me she was 18
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
