It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
