dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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