Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
