I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
