either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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