There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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