apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
