Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
