what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
