Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
