32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
