Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
