K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
These tits shall not be calmed
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
