If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
