I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
