the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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