she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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