I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
