yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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