for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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