I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
