Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
