remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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