WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
