not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I supernannyed him into submission
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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