Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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