every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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