Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
