I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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