I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
