The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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