Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
