I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I want to be your penis for a week.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
