I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
