I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Houston, we have a squirter
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
