ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
