What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
