Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
