in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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