It's Friday. Sex?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
