As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
