The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just high enough for therapy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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