I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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