and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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