so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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