Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
