Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
