About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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