So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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