dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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